It Never Existed Right?
by Queen of Queer
Summary: This story takes place after the events of Big Escape and so on. If you've never experience an emotion that was different from all others, doesn't mean it never existed at all. The pairing is Britai x Exsedol (Breetai/Exedore), and it contains fluff and swearing. Not a lot of it to be fair. I might lower the rating down. Who knows...


**Author notes: This my first fanfic, and criticism is welcome exempt flames... I am using the original names and terms not the Robotech versions... Sorry... Also, Meltran means female and Zentran means male. Britai should be pronounce like the Robotech version of his name: Breetai. So, enjoy! **

* * *

In the quarters' of Commander Britai Kridanik, who was now removed from action after the failed attempt on recapturing the four Miclones, was now looking the room and was still feeling the pain of failure.

He was walking towards the bed, he started to recollect on what happened today. He didn't know why, but it didn't really matter. All he could do was lie down, and think.

_Humiliating, this is just humiliating_,Britai thought.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. He turned his head; he didn't want any company at this point in time. But, the commander wanted to know who it was.

"Yes? Who is it?"

"Commander, this is Exsedol. May I come in? I just wanted to see if you were alright."

Britai could have said he wanted to be alone, but he wanted to get some things off his chest. And yet, there was some other unclear reason why he wanted to see the little bug-eyed red head.

"Come in", said Britai as he sat up.

Exsedol came in the room, and can already tell that the room didn't offer a lot. There was just a bed, a couple of chairs, a small closet, and a personal water closet. Nothing special really from the eye can see.

He takes a few steps towards the commander, and makes eye contact. All there was between them was space for their thoughts to pass to one another.

The advisor started, "I've notice how you were acting today. You seemed troubled like I was about the news, and I thought you might want to talk about what was bothering you, sir. But, if you want to be alone. I understand."

"No, it's fine", Britai says.

He didn't know where to start actually. There were so many things going through his mind. He looked down, and was thinking of an event(s) that stood out the most. Then, he remembered a couple of moments and looked up to the archivist.

"Yes, you could say I still feel a little uneasy having a Meltran taking my place on an important task. It's still feels embarrassing", said Britai.

"Hmm, you're still thinking about that?" asked Exsedol

"Yes."

"It's alright. It could be worse."

Well, to be honest he was right. It could've been worse, like getting nearly decapitated by a Miclone fighter jet. But, he did have a question that was related to that incident.

_It's bad enough losing the upper right portion of my head_, Britai considered.

"Exsedol, I do have question. Is it alright if I may ask?"

"Yes. What is it?"

"How would you react if I died?"

The short red head was taken aback by the question. Because, in their race no one mourns for the lost of a comrade, they all knew they will die in battle one day, so there was no point to feel sorrow. Yet in his case, Britai was the only person who he can call a friend. He didn't know how to respond to this.

"Well, to tell you the truth", the archivist paused. "I don't know if I mourn or not if you did pass away."

Exsedol curiously looked at the turquoise man; and then realized why the commander would ask that kind of thing.

"Was it because of what happen back at the command post?" he asked.

Britai nodded solemnly, "Yes, it was.

"But, I do have another question though."

"Uh, sure", said Exsedol with an uneasy tone in his voice which in turn Britai noticed.

The one-eyed commander asked, "Why didn't those two male Miclones kiss?"

Now, Exsedol didn't except that to come out of his friend's mouth. Even now he was questioning why Britai would want talk about this. But, he readied his answer anyway.

"I suppose they find the thought of two people of the same gender kissing as distributing as we do, but it's with anyone", he answered while looking behind as if someone was observing their small talk.

"What is it?" Britai asked.

"Nothing, I just have to finish some work. I'll see you some other time", Exsedol responded as he pivoted.

The advisor went for the door at once. But while he was walking away, Britai couldn't help but look at his friend's blooded coloured hair. He wanted to reach out and touch it, but restrain himself. All he did was watch his friend leave the room.

Britai looked around his room once more. He was alone again. The only thing he could call company were his thoughts.

_Why did I want to touch his hair?_, the commander asked himself while running his fingers through his own.

He then felt some warmth growing on cheeks' and ears'; trailed his fingers to them.

"Am I blushing?" Britai questioned himself.

He stood up and went straight to his personal bathroom hoping to prove himself wrong. He turned on the lights and looked into the mirror. And unfortunately, he was right.

Staring back at him was a man with short black hair, and grayish-pale green coloured skin. His cheekbones defined as ever. A single thick arched brow, and under it a blue eye: a type of blue that was a storm at sea. A polished face plate with a green crystal eye piece that was over the spot where his right eye used to be, and tear drop shape ears on the side of his head were evident.

But upon closer expectation, his cheekbones' and ears' were stained with a light shade of red. He knew himself well that he never turned red when he got angry. Yet, he wasn't truly furious, just slightly unnerved from today.

He felt his chest starting to swell up some and his stomach turning at the same time. And all this was happening because he was thinking about skinny Exsedol.

He never felt this way for anyone before. Well, no one did. The males and females were always kept miles apart, so they wouldn't produce this kind feeling for one other. But, nobody would expect that the same sentiment would pop up on two people who were the same sex: right?

The 34 year old pressed his back against the wall, slid to the ground, and hugged his legs. The giant was still thinking about petite Exsedol. Britai tried to push the thought of him out, but with no avail.

"Damn it, pull yourself together," he said under his breath.

After a few minutes, he finally put the mental image of his friend away, and the colour subsided. Britai looked around in confusing as if he had forgotten where he was. He shuddered and squeezed his legs tighter.

_What's wrong me? Why am I acting like I'm afraid of Exsedol?_, he questioned.

In the middle of all this, he heard a knock at his door. He got up quick, leaving the bathroom and to the door. He opened it and there was a lieutenant who was about average height, and was delivering reports for the superior to look over.

"Sir, these just came in", he said as he handed them to Britai.

"Um, right", he said as he took the reports.

Then, the man walked away to whatever else needed to be done. Britai looked at the direction where the man went, and the lieutenant was long gone.

Britai closed the door behind him, and looked at the thick mass of reports. He was astonished by the amount. He could have bound it together and called it a book if he wanted to. But, there was no use in complaining. He just wanted to get this done and over with.

He went over to his bed, slump down onto the floor, and leaned against it. He started to read the first page, and it was about Miliya successfully infiltrating the three spies into the battle fortress. The second was Kamjin's attempt at destroying that very ship, and Laplamiz putting a stop to it. The others were nothing special, but most them were about Kamjin's uncalled for attacks.

_For the love of-! Anybody who ever had this bastard under their command probably wanted to kill him as much as I do! _, Britai thought.

He recalled the many temptations to end the Ally Killer's life, but time and time again he didn't. He didn't know why, but soon or later that man's life will have to come to an end.

About several minutes into the stack of reports, he began to wonder what Exsedol was doing.

_Probably the same, but does he have it worse than me or the same?_ , he asked himself. Britai continued to wonder until the thought of work didn't matter anymore.

He snapped back to reality in a several seconds, and realized he still needed to finish the pile. So, he picked on where he left off while putting the very thought away.


End file.
